


I Could Never Give You Peace

by sylviadraft



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Angst, F/M, Post-Finale, idk what to even say about this, not really a happy ending??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2020-10-15
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:41:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27029020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sylviadraft/pseuds/sylviadraft
Summary: She doesn’t know when the holovideos started, maybe a few months after she first picked him up on Gorse, maybe not until the first time he confessed his feelings. Chopper once complained about having to keep all of the videos in his memory drive, now Hera is just happy she had enough sentiment left to save all of them.OR: Kanan leaves Jacen a message.
Relationships: Hera Syndulla & Jacen Syndulla, Kanan Jarrus/Hera Syndulla
Comments: 11
Kudos: 49





	I Could Never Give You Peace

“Hey Hera.” 

She doesn’t know when the holovideos started, maybe a few months after she first picked him up on Gorse, maybe not until the first time he confessed his feelings. Chopper once complained about having to keep all of the videos in his memory drive, now Hera is just happy she had enough sentiment left to save all of them. 

Hera plays them for Jacen, so he can hear his father’s voice. The messages make her feel better, in a strange sort of way. Kanan’s smile is the same, which shouldn’t surprise her, after all, he’s not really here. Everytime Hera looks in the mirror her face is older, she wonders what Kanan would think about her smile lines. She knows he would love them. 

Jacen seems to grow overnight, looking more like his father with each passing day. Sabine and Ahsoka bring Ezra back, she watches her sons explore the force together, she watches as her family mends. And whenever Jacen is anxious or upset or even just bored, he climbs over to Chopper and plays a video. 

“Hey Hera!”

“Hey Hera...”

“Hey Hera?”

“Hey kiddo.”

Hera sits upright in the pilot seat. Jacen is four now, force sensitive enough to know that something is different but not yet old enough to explain why. It doesn’t matter. Hera may not be force sensitive but she has watched every single one of these videos. Memorized every line, every word, every breath. She’s not breathing now. 

“I guess uh...if you’re watching this it means I’m gone,” Kanan rubs the back of his neck, his hair shaved into that _awful_ mullet like it was the last time she saw him. 

Oh Gods. 

“I’m really sorry I never got to meet you, but if you’re watching this it’s for good reason. I uh, I love you kid, you’re not even here yet and I’d still do anything for you. And I mean anything,” He chuckles like it’s a joke, like it’s not his life he’s talking about. 

Hera chokes on a sob. 

“I know your mother is going to do a great job, and your siblings, and your uncle. Your mother, force, your mother,” Video-Kanan looks up and it’s almost as if he’s looking right at her. “She’s wonderful, the greatest woman you’ll ever know. Let her take care of you when you’re young, she likes that, taking care of others.” Another smile, “But when you’re older could you just...watch her for me? Could you do that for me kiddo? I know it’s a lot to ask but she’ll get into all sorts of trouble if you don’t.”

Her cheeks are wet but there is a smile on her face. 

“Force I wish...I wish I could see you, well, not see but just...be. Be with you. I love you so much kid, I love you more than the world. I just want you to know that, that no matter what, your mother and your father love you alright?” 

Jacen has crawled into her lap, his eyes are watching Kanan but he takes Hera’s hand in his. 

“Always and forever alright buddy?” Kanan nods and Jacen nods back, like he can understand what is happening. Video-Kanan smiles one last time and then the video fades to black. 

Kanan died four years ago. Hera has come to terms with that. She’s faced her pain, she’s accepted that he is gone. 

Now she has to accept that she’ll never hear him say their son’s name. 

It hurts, hurts almost as much as losing him did. Everything alway sounded right with Kanan there to back her up. 

She holds Jacen close, and wants to talk to Kanan, just for a second more, just to tell him about their son, just to hear her name one more time. 

Healing will come, but it won’t come tonight.


End file.
